Over the years, I had to say goodbyes for so many places, people, things, dreams, ambitions, wishes and thoughts. Sometimes, it went by and I was unaffected by it just like a flowing river over pebbles. It seemed very zen and Buddhistic from me and for a moment there, I thought I could approach every situation similarly. But as I sit down in my hotel one last time, drinking my cheap instant coffee (which I love very much) and waiting for the hours to pass, I feel somewhat afraid of this goodbye.
For me, sometimes it takes years to develop a friendship, especially if you have had a history of years of being bullied like myself. And sometimes, people embrace you with their extreme acceptance, love and care and you feel that feeling pierces you so deep it touches your bones. That kind of feeling, I have never experienced in my life before except from my mother and sister. The unconditionality of it. This feeling, I have experienced during my winter vacation this year.
In the past thirty-two years, I was able to let go of my home country, my family, my tiny group of friends, my job and then again let go of another country, another job, my “things” and so on and it did not affect me as much as letting go of these group of people and the coziness it has brought into my life. My life was all about letting go, moving forward, not looking back or trying at least. I thought I was strong in that field as I have been trained from a very young age to do so.
Today is different. Today, I have to leave a very special and heartwarming group of people and go back to reality. Go back home. I love my home. But the people I have met here during the past two weeks, I felt home with them too. I felt I belonged. I felt I could be in my own skin with them. Open up, talk about things that matter. Talk about things that didn’t matter and that didn’t matter either. Have fun. Enjoy our times. They, have taught me a lot in very short period of time.
All things come to an end at a certain period of time. Good and bad, not be too pessimistic. Our life is in a constant influx in both directions across the axes. What I hope surely, is that this bond won’t be broken with time, space and distance. But time only will tell…
Tomorrow begins a new day, where we will be busy with our jobs, tasks, chores… I hope my partner and I are able to enjoy our lives as much as we did in these two weeks and always remember the love we hold to one another.