It Aches To Feel What They Feel.

I do not know where to begin my rant this evening. And is it a rant or is it just a legitimate cry for reconsideration, reconciliation, justification or a cry to get it out of my system.

Ironically, as a family we lived in someone else’s home without paying rent. I grew up in a home that I cannot be in anymore because it wasn’t ours. During the civil war in my country, certain people kicked other people out of their homes, then these other people had a counter attack and kicked them out all the way and took their homes. So basically, it was legitimate for some people to sit in other peoples’ houses without paying rent. And these people demanded a sum of money from the government to leave the other people’s houses as their own houses have been destroyed by the bombings from the other people… I know… It’s complicated. Forget I went into the details. The gist of it, my family was living in other people’s home. We occupied it, basically. So did hundreds of thousands of other families.

I was born in that home. I loved it. When I think of it now I wish I could go there, have a walk in the field of wild flowers, smell the soil of it, run around the house… I wish. It is not possible. After the year 2000 the government gave my parents a sum amount of money (which was quite minimal) and asked us to seek another place to live. I visited that village often afterwards. It’s where I grew up. It’s where I long to be sometimes. A very remote village away from others. In spite of the hard memories I have engraved in my heart, I still long to that time, sometimes…

When I think of the misery that took place during the WWII (World War II or the Second World War) seventy to eighty-five million people have been murdered! And that was not long time ago, it was only in 1939. Around six million Jews were murdered by the Nazis for one reason only: Their faith! Two thirds of Europe’s Jewish population have been killed because their were guilty of their faith! What a tragedy is that. How could we do this to one another? How could we be silent on what was happening? How could we ignore what was happening? How could we innovate in science and technology to use these innovations against one another? What have we done! These people who were taken to concentration camps and murdered. What have they done wrong to be treated so severely! And yet life goes on.

China has been consistently abusing the Uyghurs, Kazakhs, Kyrgyz, other ethnic minorities. These minority groups are being held in concentration camps to “re-educate” them as the Chinese government claims. What is really happening to these people in these camps? Why is no one raising their voice to ask? Investigate and stop the Chinese from committing another genocide in the name of purification!

As much as I feel the suffering of all these people in our modern history, I feel the anger these experiences have generated in their souls. The need to avenge and revenge. I do not know how can we do something to other people that has been done to us. Psychologically speaking maybe it makes sense. In my limited level of intellect and understanding to being humane towards one another and cherish life as it is valuable, I do not understand how can we inflect the same kind of suffering on others as it has been done to us.

The questions that keep turning round and round in spirals in my mind are endless. Some of them or most of them are rhetoric. I am amazed. Disgusted at the same time. How can a group of people who has witnessed, suffered and bled as a result of the holocaust by the Nazis, do exactly the same to the people who live in Palestine? How can it be that we decide to split a country, a nation in two, Gaza and West Bank and expect these locals to live in such a horrific sad reality? How can it be that we (as human beings) decided to relocate from all over the world as Jews to discriminate ourselves (our own doing this time) and create a Jewish state that would make it easier to be attacked rather than live in the countries we prospered in and find peace within our surroundings and neighborhoods and invest in these countries to make them better? Instead, how could it be that we decided to occupy an existing country, kick people out of their houses, form illegally institutions, governments, systems, mark our territory and massacre the native people who have been living in that land for generations? How do we have it in us after all that we have been through during the Second World War, to kick the front doors of Palestinian’s homes, kick them out with the clothes they have on them and place “Israeli” families instead? How is this humane? How is it possible to do this while the world watches, silently, in guilt… Still feeling guilty, Europe. Still feeling guilty over WWII while we sit in silent in front another atrocity in our lifetime. And how many atrocities can we witness before our hearts stop out of pain…

I sit on my dinner table while listening to a song that has been on repeat for few hours now. I do not know how to end this blog. I put my hands on my face covering my eyes and hold my tears in the palms of my relatively small hands. These tears fall down of extreme sadness. Extreme sadness when I realize that as human beings, we are capable of inflicting so much hatred and pain on one another with a premeditative intention to hurt to cause suffering and sadness. What the f&*k! What a reality this is. What a curse (I do not see a blessing in this particular example) it is to have lived in different parts of the world. Being exposed to the different traditions, religions and societies. Histories and counter-histories. Truth and counter-truth. Relativities and counter-relativities. How much can a heart handle in one life time?

Yet, people still reproduce and I do not understand the concept of reproduction especially in countries and areas where there is a very big chance that these infants will grow up without a father and/or a mother and very well possible to live in misery of hate, anger and rebellion for most of their lives. Or maybe arranged marriage, rape or god knows what…

It aches to feel what they feel. All of them. Those humans who have suffered over the decades, who are currently suffering because of others who suffered in the past, child-labor, women being raped, abuse domestic and nondomestic, bullying and… it goes on. and on. and on.

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