When I first launched this tiny spot on the internet for me to voice my thoughts, concepts, ideas and personal experiences, I had it planned to talk about “other” interests and I think this is one of those “other” interests.
When I was growing up I didn’t want anything to do with the Arab World. I felt I was more of a European in my mindset than an creature who was born in the Arab World. It made me feel weak, inferior to other nationalities, coalitions and economic groups. It made me feel as if something was wrong with me. I did not have equal presence as someone from Germany, United Kingdom or Iceland.
This was mainly as a result of a systematic approach by the local, regional and international media of discrimination and sole focus on what is wrong and not what is right. The sole focus of how the “western” countries are always trying to save democracy in the region and how they will come on a white horse to liberate the people who live under severe forms of dictatorships (which at a given moment of time they were also allies of these “western” countries which invaded and destroyed Everything!).
As time passed, I found myself (well, not really found myself by coincidence but it flows for now) living in a “western” country. The labeling bothers me. And then I realized that the same small minded people who existing in the country I was born in, exist in one of the most “advanced” country in democracy! They still think small, feel small, breath small with their tiny narrow minded flow of thoughts. They exist! Man, they exist here too!
They still want to go back and be ancient just like those in the country I was born in. They want nothing to do with the outer world. They are religious. They behave aggressively. They feel inferior. They have their preferred television channels, radio stations and a kind of different traditions than the rest of the country does. The riot. They attack the police and they protest. THIS, is what made me leave the country I was born in. Not quite.
The country I was born in, enabled these people to transform themselves from a marginalized, angry, poor, neglected civil society to an armed angry totalitarian ideological religious terrorist organization which currently rules the country. They were able to systematically destruct the government’s institutions, infiltrate the judiciary, ally with different groups from different sects and religions for cover up (by cover up I mean placing puppet like people in key positions in the presidency, government and parliament from different religions and sects to make sure that the public opinion and international opinion do not complain that this group of the same color has taken over the country), spread, cover and market for corruption and piggybank on the money made as a result of this corruption.
The country I was born in became a playground for this group to spread their power not only throughout the land but expanded to few other countries. Their main purpose when they began in 1988 was to fight the hostile foreign army that by that time had occupied the southern part of the country. They soon expanded to Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Yemen and few other European countries that recently labeled them as a terrorist organization.
You see, I came from a beautiful country on the Mediterranean Sea. It’s not the most beautiful country in the world as people keep saying but it is beautiful enough to feel a connection with if you were born there. It has its charm of beautiful architecture, the history, the memories, the things that work and don’t work in it. The system that didn’t really work fully but it worked. It got by. It made it possible somehow, somewhat. someway… Not anymore.
That Group has either been involved or covering many political and intellectual assassinations. Many intellects who have written books about the political system, the systematic destruction of the institutions, the future of the country and the Group and so on… They have been murdered in cold blood. Intellectuals who were the encyclopedia of the country. All exploded. All became ashes. The truth is never revealed. The truth is forbidden to be unleashed.
And then when I think about how I felt when I was growing up in the country I was born in, I felt impotent, helpless, unable to make a change even though I have tried many times. I was on the streets of my capital city in 2010-11 asking for reforms, chanting slogans against all the political ruling system… Back then we were threatened against chanting slogans against the Group. With weapons.
And then it all fell apart. What is the use of it all: Trying to fix something that refuses to be fixed. And then I remembered this: When the “western” countries invaded Iraq to bring democracy and save the world from mass destruction weapons, has the “western” countries conducted a referendum to as the Iraqis if they want democracy? Or have those countries conducted a referendum worldwide to want to be saved from mass destruction weapons (which did not exist at the end)? If not, then where is the democracy in that!
Similarly, I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed of my actions in my own country. I was trying to implement change nationwide while my fellow nationals did not want to change. I made the same mistake of assuming I am calling to change for the best, while other fellow nationals have it in its current situation at the best. My best will be their moderate or worst.
I turned around and decided to leave this beautiful country. Maybe, in a new country, I am able to find my place with the values. notions, ideas, thoughts, ethics, morals I have developed somehow in my growth…
Nonetheless, although I found somewhat a home in a neighborhood in a now not so foreign country anymore, the country I was born in still occupies my attention every now and then and the connection that I have with it has not faded. Being in its streets still feels like home. Cozy. Warm.